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My first conversation in Singapore was an interesting one. In a half-drunk half-asleep state, I made my way over to the Information desk to find out where my hotel was.

Yes, my Hotel, not my Hostel. Whilst I’m committed to doing this trip like a proper backpacker and reside in cockroach infested 16 person dorm rooms, it’s been a while since I’ve slummed it, so I felt I need to gradually transition myself into the lifestyle by booking a couple of nights in in a cheap Singapore Hotel for starters.

And make no mistake, it was a CHEAP hotel, which brings back back to my first conversation in Singapore, with the tiny old lady at the tourist information desk.

“Hi, do you have a map of Singapore please”
“Yiiissss”, the 150 year-old woman replies.
“Thank you. Could you point out my Hotel on the map please”.
“Yiiissss. Your Hotel Here. It in Red light distrct you know. You know what that means?”
“Yeah, yeah it’s….”. I’m interrupted.
“There may be PROSTITUTES”, she says and stares at me, possibly trying to work out whether that was indeed the reason I booked the hotel, before she continues,
“Is Ok. Is safe. But there may be prostitutes!!”

As I stepped into the taxi, I pondered as to whether she meant that the area is safe, or sleeping with Singaporean prostitutes is safe. Perhaps I should have asked.

After a 20-minute cab ride with a fantastic cab driver who helped me work on my itinerary to maximise the amount of stuff I could cram into my time, I was feeling re-energised and ready to go and explore.

The public transport system in Singapore is just excellent. Clean, reliable, easy to understand, clearly sign-posted, I was in the Raffles Hotel bar (Long Bar) in no-time. This was an essential stop-off to sample the the famous Singapore Sling in the place at it’s place of birth.

After that, I took a stroll by the riverside around the bright lights of the Boat Key area. An important stop-off here was Harry’s Bar. Just a stone’s throw away from the towering office buildings of the city, this is the watering hole that Nick Leeson would often frequent. As I sipped my beer in the 30 degree heat by the river side, I contemplated how I would feel if I had to tell my boss tomorrow that I had just lost £2bn of company money.

From Singapore 2007

After a couple of beers, (maybe 3?), I took a little boat trip on the river and hopped off at Clarke Quay, had another beer and some noodles and then was suddenly overcome by an energy lull. It was time for bed, so that’s where I went.

Day 2; According to the TV, 24 degrees, light to moderate cloud cover and a 60% chance of rain. Outside it still felt bloody hot to me and I thought whilst it was good, I would go to the Zoo. A curious choice you might think, but I absolutely love zoos (especially love mammals, most specifically primates,not so keen on the birds though, Alfred Hitchcock put me off them)
and Singapore has a world-class zoo. An hour later, it rained. Hard. I had to take cover in the Baboon enclosure viewing area which in all fairness was probably the best place to get stranded. The Australian Outback section of the Zoo primed me for the journey that would follow. Steve Irwin designed it. They had a Steve Irwin shrine. God rest his soul.

After the Zoo I headed onto Orchard Roard, which I guess would be the equivalent of Oxford Street in London. Yeah, it would probably have been pretty spectacular if you liked shopping, but I just grabbed some Chinese food and had a coffee, marvelled at how grand and clean everything looked and then got the hell out of there.

Right now it was time to head to Sentosa, Singapore’s beach Island resort. The cable Car across from Singapore bought back memories of the Whitler Gondola. It seems only a moment ago that I would be taking that daily pilgrimage to the top of Whistler mountain where I would be rewarded with the Early-bird-discounted Breakfast-Sandwich, the only way to start a day of skiing! Anyway, Sentosa Island was, well it was OK….. By Southeast Asian standards, Singapore’s beaches really aren’t all that.

The Sun had already set when I got the cable car back to the mainland, but the view of Singapore by night as I crossed the water was still very impressive. My mind was focused on the food I would shortly be devouring and my stomach was trying to make a decision that would either lead me to Chinatown or Little India.

Alone in the cable car, I reflected on the highlights of the day, one of which was the “Underworld World” on Sentosa Island. Not to be confused with the rather average Kevin Costner movie, this giant aquarium had some truly spectacular marine life. Of particular note were the Japanese Spider crabs, the armored spider-like creatures that aparatnelty crawl deep on the ocean floor around Japan, grow up to 4 metres in length. They are extremely terrifying and they are bound to give me nightmares.

On the subject of crabs and nightmares, I finally think I understood the meaning of what the old women at the airport had said. And I concluded that sleeping with prostitutes in Singapore was probably not a good idea.